So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
we're so committed to being not committed
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
