We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
