Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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