i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
