uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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