Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
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Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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