The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
