Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
