Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
