so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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