what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
