I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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