I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
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You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
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You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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