My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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