Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
