i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
