just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
