I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
