I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
