I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
