you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
