my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just had sex on a roof
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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