some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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