Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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