My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
