White coat. Heels.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
