Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
