how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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