tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
