I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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