she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
