I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
