Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
