Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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