I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
