My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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