Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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