u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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