life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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