I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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