I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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