Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You pole danced in your parka.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
that is very illegal...i love you.
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