the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
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Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
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thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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