I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
