so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
