I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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