I'm so fucking centered right now
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
