my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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