Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
