Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
