Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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