Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
