Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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