you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i came on her dog
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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