Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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