I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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