we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
