Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
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He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you had me at cake vodka
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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