I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
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Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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