Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
