Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
