There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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