i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
