Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
