I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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