bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
