Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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