She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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