The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
