I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
