Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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