you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
