After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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