If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
