it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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