There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
